Speak What You Want to Grow
Recently, a good friend shared a story with me about a conversation she had with someone she trusted. She went to this person looking for encouragement, reassurance, and maybe a little validation. Instead, she was met with sharp criticism — the kind that sinks deeper than the speaker probably realized.
It was a moment that perfectly illustrates a truth many of us forget:
We speak thousands of words a day without thinking.
We toss them into conversations, emails, messages, and sometimes into the quiet spaces of our own hearts.
But Proverbs 18:21 stops us in our tracks with a sobering reminder:
Your words carry power that are life‑giving or life‑draining.
Not neutral.
Not inconsequential.
Power.
Most of us will never face a moment where our words determine someone’s literal life or death. But every day, we speak life into people — or we speak death over them.
Life sounds like:
Encouragement when someone doubts themselves
Affirmation given freely, not held back
Truth spoken gently
Grace that lifts instead of labels
Death Sounds Like:
Superiority
Criticism without compassion
Sarcasm that cuts deeper than we realize
Dismissive comments that make someone feel small
Gossip that wounds reputations
Words spoken in anger that can never be retrieved
We’ve all done both.
We’ve all received both.
And we all remember which ones stayed with us.
God has had some serious discussions with me about my harsh words over the years, and I have learned — sometimes the hard way — that conviction is one of His greatest gifts. He doesn’t point out the places I fall short to shame me, but to shape me. Every moment He has held up a mirror to my own tone, impatience, or careless comments has been an invitation to grow, to soften, to become more like Him.
There were seasons when I justified my sharpness as “just being honest” or “telling it like it is.” But God gently reminded me that truth without love is still wounding… and that my words were leaving bruises I never intended.
He has taught me to slow down.
To listen longer.
To choose gentler phrasing.
To let compassion set the temperature before I speak.
And while I’m far from perfect, I’m grateful that He didn’t let me stay where I was. His correction has made me more aware, more intentional, and more accountable for the fruit my words produce.
The second half of Proverbs 18:21 reminds us that those who “love” words — who use them carelessly or nurture them intentionally — will “eat the fruit” of their speech.
Our words don’t just affect others;
they shape the atmosphere we live in.
Speak bitterness long enough, and bitterness becomes the lens through which you view the world.
Speak hope long enough, and hope becomes your natural posture.
We are constantly sowing seeds with our speech.
Eventually, we sit down to harvest what we planted.
Proverbs 18:21 is not meant to intimidate us. It’s an invitation:
to shift from reaction to intention,
to pause before we speak,
to treat our words like the powerful tools they are.
Here are a few simple ways that I am going to remind myself to choose life daily:
Bless rather than criticize by leading with kindness, even when correction is needed.
Pause before responding because sometimes silence is the most life‑giving word I can offer.
Speak what I need to hear because encouraging others often strengthens my own heart too.
Let Scripture shape my vocabulary by allowing God’s truth to fill my mind, grace naturally flows from my mouth.
Honor people who aren’t in the room. Integrity is one of the loudest ways to speak life.
Jesus said in Luke 6:45,
“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Our words reveal our inner world.
If we want life to flow from our tongues, we must allow God to cultivate life within us — His peace, His patience, His compassion, His love.
When our hearts are rooted in Him, life naturally spills out.
Imagine what would change — in your home, your workplace, your friendships, your community — if you made it your quiet mission to speak life at every opportunity.
Imagine the fruit that could grow.
Just like my friend who was met with harsh criticism instead of encouragement, we have to remember an important truth: when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Consistent patterns reveal character.
Someone who continually tears you down…
someone who makes you feel small…
someone whose words drain instead of fill…
That is not a friend.
Grace is important, yes. Patience is important. But so is wisdom.
If a person’s words repeatedly harm you, dismiss you, or belittle you, it’s okay — even healthy — to create distance. Protecting your heart is not unkind. Setting boundaries is not unchristian. It’s discernment.
Your worth is not up for debate.
Your spirit is not meant to be crushed.
Your voice is not meant to be silenced.
Surround yourself with people who speak life.
Move away from those who consistently speak death.
Your heart will thank you for the space to heal.
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us:
We hold the power of life and death not in our hands… but on our tongues.
Let’s use that power well today.
Sandy
