Learning to Choose Love
I’ve heard families say, “You may not be right—but by golly, I’ve got your back.”
Comedian Leanne Morgan jokes that she loves her grandkids so much that if they asked her to help cover up a murder, she’d do it. (Relax—obviously I’m not talking about felonies here.) But the exaggeration makes the point.
That posture matters.
Especially in marriage.
Especially in moments of tension.
When we become right-fighters, we give others something to push against. Being right may feel powerful in the moment, but it often creates distance where closeness once lived.
Scripture reminds us that love operates differently:
“And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” —1 Corinthians 13:13
Not ego.
Not pride.
Not the need to win.
A few years ago, I started a new job. I heard a woman (nearly 1/2 my age) say:
“I may not agree with my husband, but it’s my job to support him in his time of need.”
She was absolutely right.
What gets in the way of that kind of loyalty?
Pride.
Ego.
Jealousy.
Unhealed wounds.
The need to win.
The need to win tells us that if we don’t have the last word, we’ve lost. But it keeps the knot tied tight in relationships.
Picture a game of tug-of-war. As long as both people keep pulling, the knot tightens. Resentment grows. Positions harden. But the moment one person lets go, the knot stops tightening. There’s nothing left to fight against.
Love does not require you to stay in harm’s way. Supporting someone does not mean enduring abuse, manipulation, or cruelty. Seeking safety or setting boundaries is not a failure of love. It’s wisdom.
There are things worth standing up for. Truth matters. Boundaries matter. Discernment matters.
But when faith and hope collide with conflict, love still remains. Love still leads. Love still asks the better question:
Are we valuing being right—or the need to win—more than the people we claim to love?
Because love doesn’t always win the argument—but it often wins the relationship.
God values truth—always—but Scripture is clear: love stands above everything else.
Sometimes letting go isn’t weakness.
It’s the bravest move in the room.
It’s obedience.
Humbly,
Sandy
“[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” —1 Corinthians 13:7
Some tips if your relationship has become competitive:
Pause before responding. Ask yourself: Am I trying to be right, or am I trying to be loving?
Shift the goal from winning to understanding. Listen to understand, not to respond.
Agree to disagree—without resentment. Letting go of the need to win creates space for connection.
Practice loyalty through action, not just words. Support your spouse in life’s hard moments.
Seek help if patterns persist. Counseling, mentorship, or pastoral guidance can break cycles of competitiveness.
